Teaching to Disobey

Interview with Dr. Melissa Freizinger by Katherine B., originally conducted and submitted as a final project for a communications course.

Shared with permission.

The Eating Disorder Voice

Growing up, children and teenagers are taught to obey, conditioned into compliance. Rules are reinforced, and obedience is rewarded while disobedience results in time-outs, lost privileges, or a letter sent home.  

Adults who make those rules—parents, coaches, and teachers—may have the child’s best interest at heart. But there is another voice many children hear that does not. It’s the voice of their eating disorder, always trying to impose its own, unforgiving rules. 

“My brain was hijacked, and I was only listening to what my eating disorder would allow me to hear,” said Meryl, a 15-year-old from the western suburbs of Boston who went from a kind, social, athletic, ninth grader to an irritable, dependent, and secretive teenager 

Recovery, then, demands the opposite of what they are told, schooled, and coached: violating the “rules.” 

And therein lies a problem. Many children do not have a resource that teaches them when or how to do so.  

The Origin of “Disobey”

In hopes of encouraging young individuals to break the ingrained pattern of their eating disorder, Dr. Melissa Freizinger, Associate Director of the Eating Disorder Program at Boston Children’s Hospital, is trying to change that. 

With a 20-year background in psychology, she, along with Drs. Christina Tortolani and Renee Rienecke, have written a 296-page step-by-step guide to breaking free from eating disorders. Their book, “Disobey: Finding Freedom from Your Eating Disorder,” will be published on Sept. 8.  

“It’s not really meant to replace treatment,” Freizinger said. “But, not everyone lives in a place like Boston where you have two, three, or four treatment centers. People in other parts of the country don’t have this access.” 

With 22% of teenagers worldwide suffering from disordered eating, access to recommended support is critical. Yet, for many, barriers including insurance, financial status, and a rural place of residency, make this care out of reach. 

In response, the authors dedicated three years to crafting a compassionate, practical guide for individuals navigating the challenges of an eating disorder. Hoping the book finds a wide audience, they plan to market it on TikTok and Instagram, platforms that teenagers frequent.

One reason resources like this are important, specialists say, is that they help adolescents navigate a culture that glamorizes thinness and creates barriers for those seeking recovery, actively recovering, and in recovery. 

“It’s a super triggering world and environment we live in right now. Everyone and their mother is trying to lose weight,” said Courtney Porcelli, a registered dietitian at Feeding Your Soul Nutrition. “So now more than ever, it is important to have resources. 

The Power of Lived Experience

Freizinger’s book is a tool for those affected by eating disorders to pursue or continue their journeys of recovery while navigating this toxic culture. To serve as that much-needed resource, it incorporates journal prompts, drawings, paintings, evidence-based exercises, and stories from individuals who have recovered from their eating disorders. 

Elizabeth, a 17-year-old from the South Shore of Boston, describes in the book why she felt inspired to publicly detail her journey. 

“I share my story so that you can read this and know you are not alone. I was once the girl who said no to an ice cream when my friends and family offered. Now I’m the girl who asks to get ice cream,” she said. “It is possible. It is okay to ask for help, I encourage you to do so. Recovery is hard, but living a life with an eating disorder is much harder.” 

Freizinger’s decision to rely on the voices and artwork of those who have recovered, rather than just experts, was intentional. After 13 years at Boston Children’s Hospital, she learned a key lesson: adolescents do not listen to adults. 

“If I say to a 15-year-old, ‘If you don't gain weight and recover from your eating disorder, you are not going to have kids, you are going to ruin your bones, and you’re gonna die,’ They don’t care,” she said. “They think I’m making it up.” 

Meryl, whose story is detailed in the book, can attest to this. Despite her medical, athletic, and social teams all expressing their worries, she refused to admit to the existence of her struggles. 

“I continued to deny that anything was wrong, even when my pediatrician informed me my heart rate was dangerously low and fast-tracked me to the hospital for further monitoring,” Meryl said.  

Believing that recovered individuals have more authority, Freizinger chose to focus heavily on their stories, as opposed to just professional counseling. These written experiences, she said, can be very inspiring for those who are struggling. Given the isolating nature of the disease, oftentimes, those living with an eating disorder believe that their thoughts and feelings are irrational and uncommon. Hearing or reading someone else admit to experiencing similar beliefs and emotions can be very helpful, particularly for young people.  

Allison Bozyk, 22, who has struggled with restriction and overexercising, agrees.

“It provides hope and shows that recovery is possible. Sometimes, that's what you need to hear to keep moving forward,” she said. 

Recovery stories have a transformative effect not only for those struggling with eating disorders, but for parents as well. 

“Parents really don’t understand what their kids are going through,” Freizinger said. “It’s good for them to read and think, ‘Oh, this is common. This is normal that my kid is lying to me.’”  

Reclaiming What is Lost

Without access to these kinds of resources, individuals with eating disorders are susceptible to severe, long-term consequences. Dr. Leslie Karwoski Anderson, Training Director at The University of California San Diego Eating Disorders Center, explained the repercussions of living with an eating disorder. 

“You are not able to engage in the things, like relationships, family, getting married, having a career, and hobbies, that make life worth living,” she said. “If an eating disorder is first and foremost on your brain all the time, it really prevents you from engaging in a fulfilling way.” 

Anderson added that living with an eating disorder prevents people from living in accordance with their values. 

“There is this irony that this disorder is making people with eating disorders do all of these behaviors, in service of their appearance, but when you talk to them, you find out that they actually care a lot more about other, more meaningful things in their lives.” 

Meryl experienced this firsthand, as her eating disorder compromised her ability to honor her priorities: academics, connection, and athletics. Once an outstanding student, active rower, and pizza-lover, she found herself taking a leave of absence from school, attending daily doctor’s appointments, and refusing to finish half a banana. She was not living the life she longed for. 

When she began getting better, Meryl, now fully recovered, began documenting her thoughts and emotions. 

“Recovery is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But I’m doing it anyways. I’m doing it so I can concentrate again, so I can be an athlete again, so I can go out to dinner with my friends. But most of all, I’m doing it so I can finally learn to like myself on the inside,” she wrote. 

Freizinger hopes her book will help children and their parents emerge victorious from their harrowing journeys and pursue lives worth living. 

“You have to disagree with it. You have to disobey,” Freizinger said. “I am telling you to be a rebel and break free.” 

For two decades, Dr. Melissa Freizinger provided consultation, evaluation, and behavioral therapy to individuals grappling with eating disorders. Her dedication will manifest through the written word with the release of “Disobey: Finding Freedom From Your Eating Disorder” in September of 2026.